Nothing is quite like that feeling when you become a parent for the first time.  Everything is fresh and new…and honestly, you have no clue what you are doing.  I’m just putting it out there.  Every child is different, and they don’t come with manuals.  {And all the grandma’s shout, Amen!}  I thought I had parenting in the bag before I even had my first child.  I mean, I babysat all 5 of my nieces + nephews from the time I was in 3rd grade.  {Yes, I was diaper changing in THIRD GRADE!!}  How hard could it be?!

Umm…this is the part where every experienced parent just gives a little chuckle.  Because the truth is, when you babysit, you give them back.  You aren’t rocking those midnight hours, the endless feeding schedules, or the adjustment to no longer having the grab-my-purse-and-go lifestyle.  No, things are very different now.

And then we love it so much, we have another.  Yep!  You tuck all those sleepless nights so far back into your memory, that you can’t wait to bring another sweet being into the world.  And even though everyone says, It’s an adjustment when you have two,  you just shrug it off and say to yourself…How hard can it be?!  {This is the part where every parent of two or more gives a little chuckle.}

That happened to be the exact conversation that I had with Matt + Amanda.  I laughed, as I related to their struggle to make sure both kids were fed + taken care of, the housework was being done…or not getting done, and what we did when we had to divide and conquer as parents.  It is hard.  And I reassured them both, that although it is hard, it’s such a beautiful time.

Amanda went on to say this, As always with a newborn, the first month or two can be tough.  Trying to figure out what they like + don’t like.  Adjusting to their eating-sleeping schedule.  Learning what each cry might mean.  Feeling like you might ‘break’ an arm or leg with every diaper & outfit change.  Add to this multiple trips to Children’s Medical Center for: a broken clavicle {which had happened during delivery}, intense acid reflux {which often resulted in projectile vomit}, + possible hip dysplasia… Needless to say, the first two months were extra stressful.   Thankfully, all is well now.  His clavicle healed perfectly, we’ve got his reflux under control, + he will grow out of his ‘hip click.’  Our little Zeke is one tough little dude.  We love to snuggle & love on him.  His big sister Micah {20 months old} loves to kiss on him {when she isn’t trying to steal his pacifier.}  He loves to eat & has the double chin to prove it.  He is a great sleeper now, like his sister.  He’ll sleep for up to 5 hours at a time during the day + up to 9 hours at a time during the night.  Praise Jesus. Because having ‘two under two’ is definitely an adjustment; we need as much sleep as possible.  Micah loves her new brother but is also having a hard time adjusting to sharing her mommy & daddy – the ‘terrible twos’ seem to have started a little early and so ‘time out’ is now a thing in the Purkey house.  Matthew + I often look at each other in the throes of the chaos and say “These are the times we’ll look back on & laugh, right??”  :o)     We love our little family and are so thankful the Lord has joined us together & allowed us to be parents to these precious little babes.  

Ezekiel ‘Zeke’ Mayes Purkey {Mayes, in early medieval English, means son of Matthew}, joined Matt + Amanda Earthside on February 4th at 3:15 p.m.  He weighed in at 6 pounds 12 ounces and captured his Mommy + Daddy’s heart immediately.

This family has had such a journey in the last year.  It goes as follows:

June 2014 – We find out we are pregnant.  Again.
July 2014 – An ultrasound reveals we are pregnant with twins.
Early September 2014 – A test regarding the twins came back abnormal – there’s a chance one or both twins have spina bifida.
Mid September 2014 – An ultrasound reveals that one of the twins no longer has a heartbeat.

I’ll never forget that September day; I was about 18 weeks into my pregnancy.  Lying on the ultrasound table, Matthew gripping my hand.  Two parents waiting to find out if their unborn babies have a spinal cord defect.  The ultrasound tech begins to look around… She shows us Baby A first.  She shows us Baby A’s tiny beating heart.  Then Baby B.  Baby B was significantly smaller than Baby A.  And Baby B’s heart was no longer beating.  “I’m sorry but this baby is no longer alive.”  We squeezed each other’s hand.  She offered to leave the room to give us a few minutes to grieve before continuing on with the ultrasound.  At this point, we were tremendously sad BUT wanted to know that Baby A was healthy so we told her to stay & continue.  She began reexamining Baby A.  She did some measurements.  She showed us Baby A’s tiny brain.  She showed us Baby A’s curved spine.  She assured us that Baby A’s spinal cord had indeed formed correctly.  What a bittersweet moment.  We were devastated by the demise of Baby B.  But yet so relieved & joyful that Baby A was healthy; no signs of spina bifida.  We left the perinatal specialist’s office in silence.  This was our second miscarriage in 6 months.  We should have been in tears, sobbing.  We should have been completely distraught.  But we weren’t.  Yes, we were sad.  But we found peace knowing this little babe was now with their other sibling, in heaven with Jesus.  That made it okay.  That took our pain away.  

We will never know what exactly caused the demise of Zeke’s twin.  From what I’ve read, this is somewhat common with twins & is known as ‘Disappearing Twin Syndrome.’  Not a day goes by that I don’t think about Baby B.  Would it have been a boy or a girl?  What would he or she have looked like?  Would they have been identical?  But we are so thankful for our beautiful, healthy Zeke.  For his chubby little cheeks & double chin.  His squeaky little noises.  The way his eyes smile.  And we trust that this is part of God’s plan.  We may not understand it now, but we trust Him.  And we pray that when the time comes, He gives us the grace we will need to tell Zeke about his twin angel.   

Matt, Amanda, Micah + Zeke!  I’m so thankful to have you as friends, to surround you in times of need with prayers, meals, and some good hangout time.  You have such an amazing little family, including your two angels in heaven!  May God continue to pour his peace over you both in your loss and in the throes of life.  We are so grateful to be here with you along the way, and as always, I can’t wait to have you all in front of my camera again soon!

..TWIN ANGEL..

love, echo

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echoes of love